May 17, 2004


I took myself out of the loop for a while, several loops really. I hid out, rested, shirked, flaked, faltered and remained non-committal when it came to making plans and going out and doing things. It was just one of those times. Core meltdown of social interaction mechanisms, interface tolerance at critically low levels, containment necessary for survival of parent processes.

Lately Iíve started venturing out again. Instead of dinner or drinks one day a week, Iíve gone to shows, am taking a class, go wandering around on weekends, and end up hanging out with strangers. I like strangers. Hanging out with strangers is the best way to make new friends and get exposed to strange new things Ė and strange new things are the stuff that revelations, epiphanies, and life changing experiences are made of.

So in this rejoining and regrouping I find myself, instead of rejoining loops, cutting myself out of some of the loops I thought I would continue to involve myself in. I find myself asking if these groups benefit my life. Do they make me feel the way I want to feel? Do they challenge me to be more and better? How does my presence affect the others in this loop? Does it affect them at all? Would they notice if I left? What do these groups and social circles do for me, with me, because of me?

Every few years I come to this place and check my definition. Make sure it reads right. There are loops and groups Iíll keep with me for life, and some that are transient, they get left by the wayside when I stop and take stock. Iíve made some new additions of little cliques that draw me out and help to fill me up. Others Iíve put on hold, unsure of what I want from them and them from me. And there are a few Iím going to let fall without mourning. Sometimes, it turns out, Iíd rather be me than be cool.

Posted by allison at May 17, 2004 07:24 PM