December 13, 2006

Different Holiday Ribbon

There’s a ribbon of death winding through everything lately. Acquaintances and the family of friends, the fathers of coworkers, people I used to know but don’t know anymore. I know it’s always there, it just isn’t always so visible. To me, anyway. It colors everything with grey and dread. Even the sky is thick and grey with the weather’s spit. And for every senseless (to me, again) death darkens agnosticism into something even less hopeful. Friends and coworkers mourn their families in private. People in the wider social circle are gossiped about because no one knows what is going on and no one understands a chosen death. Old acquaintances are mourned privately but also publicly in newspapers and magazines with everybody watching. You say “there but for the grace of God, go I” but what you mean is “there could be my own father, my own best friend.” Because as bad as it is to know you’re mortal, the prospect of being left behind is worse.

Posted by allison at December 13, 2006 04:14 PM