Well, spank my butt andpaint me purple!Lordy, what a response I got from that rant-ladencolumn I wrote a week back.

I like it. People are actually thinking, andthat's cool! I've put allyour pleasant (and sometimes rather testy and unpleasant) remarks intoThreads,so we can all share our thoughts together.

But now, let's get back on thefun track, shall we? No more feminist ranting for a while, and I'll give you all alittle respite from my "opinions."

But let me remind you all: opinions are opinions. I never said they had to beright; I never said you couldn't have your own. And I must say, I certainly amglad there are so many others with opinions out there.

I mean, you all just came crawling out of the woodwork.

Dear Allison,
My angel, I havespectacular tits and have been asked to star in a porn flick entitled Euro Girl.I get to ride a chrome bike, pick up sassy chicks in Rome, Paris, and NY and thendump them. Should I do it??
- euro grrrl 2b

Well, hmmm. It certainly sounds to melike you want to do it, and who wouldn't love the idea of riding a chrome bike through Rome, Paris, or New York? (And you knowhow I feel about sassy chicks.) I say, if they're gonna give you the big bucks, go for it, babe.

Dear Allison,
Who do you think cansolve a person's problem? Someone else or that person alone?
- rich

You know, anyone can giveyou advice. You can use their advice, or you cancast it to the wind. But if you really want to solve a problem, you gotta do thework yourself.

Dear Allison,
In the past it hasalways been my experience that the use of vulgar language is (in most cases) agood indicator of a low IQ. I am not mad or upset, but I am curious why someonewith your obvious intelligence uses such filthy language?
- roper1@ix.netcom

You wanna know the truth? I write this column everyweek, I turn it in on time, I give it to my editor, and then I forget about it. Aweek later, I check out my URL, and to my surprise and confusion, there are allthese fucks, fuck yous, and fuckin's stuckin between my words. So, if you really want to know why I use such filthylanguage, you're going to have to ask her. She's the one who putsin all the fuckin' filth for me.

[Editor's note: Get a fucking life.]

Dear Allison,
My wife is leaving mefor another man. I've tried to be cool, even supportive - hell, getting madisn't going to fix anything. But now she wants to take the stereo. What do youthink, time to go apeshit or what?
- Cuckolded and tuneless

Yep. That's it. That is where you drawthe line, buddy. No way! No way do you let her take your ever-lovin', fuckin' hi-fi. Absolutely, go apeshit. Apeshit is the onlyway. Kick some ass, andtell the two of them to just fuck right off.

Hey Allison,
You are perhaps one ofthe biggest snobs I know. After virtually begging for some female contact, Igrace your fucking little page with all of my wisdom, and you have the audacityto not only ignore it on your main page, but to not even throw it in with the"you don't care" questions. What is that all about? I personally will need a lotmore convincing that you are a decent human being. And while I am already wastingmy time with this penny-ante shit, maybe you could answer another question forme. Do you actually consider yourself an advice columnist? Last year I did aradio-advice show on my local station, and I actually gave out advice, didn't takeevery chance offered to me to slam some cybergeek simply because he/she wasdesperate enough to ask someone who uses some cheap clip-art as her identity apersonal question.
- holier than thou

Oh holy one,
Since you don'tpersonally know me, I guess your first statement can't be true. (If it were, Isuppose I would have to say it right back, because frankly you sound a littlehigh on yourself, hon.) I mean, what do you want? You want me to prostrate myselfbefore you and gush? Oh, thank you! Thank you so much forgracing my fucking little page! I shower you with my infinite gratitude!
And,advice columnist or not, that cheap clip art happens to be me. What's more,people like seeing losers and geeks get slammed (ever check out the Ask AllisonThreads? Youwanna talk mean?)
And,finally, as I've said before, and will no doubt say again, if you don't like ithere: go away.

Signed:

Go answer the questions Allison didn't.