January 27, 2006

Stupid Blog Tag

Zach blog tagged me. Because he is annoying... but I thought I would fill out the survey anyway.

Four jobs I've had:
Advice Columnist
Customer Service Manager
Clown at Kiddie Parties
Massage Therapist

Four movies I can watch over and over:

Bundle of Joy
The Aristocats (not The Aristocrats)
50 First Dates
Point Break

Four places I've lived:

Woodhams and Pruneridge. Santa Clara
Scott and Newhall, Santa Clara
14th and Noe, SF
15th and Guerrero, SF

Four TV shows I love:

Lost
How I Met Your Mother
The Kids in the Hall
Good Eats

Four places I've vacationed:

Kings Canyon Sequoia National Park, California
Otavolo, Ecuador
Koh Samet, Thailand
Los Cabos, Mexico

Four of my favorite dishes:

Dried Italian Salami
Boquorones
Pincholine Olives
Tunafish on Whitebread with Iceberg Lettuce

Four sites I visit daily:

SFgate.com
Cnn.com
google.com
m-w.com

Four places I would rather be right now:

In bed asleep
At lunch
Somewhere warmer
Outside

Four bloggers I am tagging:
Not
tagging
anyone.
Sorry.

Posted by allison at 02:01 PM | Comments (1)

Beyond Paradise there is only Death; Or How to Kill Me for Only $39.50

Yesterday I walked into the office and started sneezing. Iíd taken a Claritin before work, but I kept sneezing. I sneezed and sneezed. My eyes became gummy and my vision blurred. My nose started leaking relentlessly. My lungs started to get that burny feeling that reminds me of running a mile for the Presidential Fitness test in high school (when I thought everyone's lungs burned after running a lap and had no idea how they managed it Ė this is where we thank dad for the smoking and the asthma). My head began to swim, my mind to wander, I blew my nose on an old napkin, and then blew it again.

I went to lunch and stopped sneezing.

I came back to the office after lunch and started sneezing again. I sneezed and sneezed and sneezed. I stopped being able to pronounce hard consonants. I thought about going home sick.

I also asked the receptionist if she might try, as an experiment, wearing a different perfume to work.

If you want to kill me, I suggest buying large amounts of Estee Lauderís Beyond Paradise and spraying it liberally around me and everyone I know. I think that after a few days the reaction should build until I require hospitalization (you think I'm kidding, but I am not) so youíll have to sneak some in to my room at the hospital to finish the job.

Thank you Estee Lauder, for causing the most intense allergic reaction of my life. I would sooner drench myself in used motor oil than your perfume.

Posted by allison at 10:55 AM

January 24, 2006

Dream Rest-o-rant

"This is Japanese ramen by way of a Carolina whole-hog barbecue, with more than a soupÁon of French technique, deriving its super-porky flavor as much from hot, fatty slabs of succulent Berkshire pork belly and deep-pink shredded shoulder as from the long-simmered stock (made from 70 pounds of chicken legs, roasted pork bones, ham hocks, and bacon)."


Sadly in the East Village and not in the San Francisco.

Posted by allison at 02:01 PM

January 23, 2006

Lachuga

I have always had a fondness for lettuce. Mainly the word lettuce itself.

Well, maybe not always. But surely since college.


Woman Cited in Pa. for Flinging Lettuce
(01-23) 13:15 PST Easton, Pa. (AP) --
A woman fined $173.50 for throwing salad greens out of her car says, lettuce not be too quick to judge her.

"Lettuce comes from the ground, therefore it can go back into the ground," she said. "It's biodegradable. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong."

After failing to appear in court Dec. 22, Higgins discovered she had been convicted in absentia and owed the state $173.50. She has appealed to Northampton County Court, where she said she will call her children and their friend as witnesses.

She also plans to bring along a salad to show leaves to the judge

Posted by allison at 03:16 PM

January 20, 2006

America, the Beautiful

I stole this photo from Heidi's site.


I can't eat gelato, but if I could, I would eat this.

I have to say though, if you put a can of cheap beer just a little too close to a block of dry ice, the result is something like a beer slushie, which on a hot day in the middle of the desert can be an extremely refreshing way to become intoxicated.

Posted by allison at 12:54 PM

Those More (and Less) Fortunate

We just really like Go Fug Yourself and The Superficial when it comes to wasting time.

But nothing... NOTHING wastes your time like a visit to Television Without Pity.

Thank you interwebs, for your support throughout the long long workday.

Posted by allison at 11:52 AM

It's a Trap

(01-20) 09:39 PST BERLIN, Germany (AP) --

When a 58-year-old motorist nipped into a German highway rest stop public toilet to answer the call of nature Friday morning, he had no idea how cruel nature could be.

Off highway A6 near the town of Lichtenau in Bavaria, which has been experiencing cold weather and snow over the past few days, the man found himself trapped in the toilet stall after the lock froze while he was inside.

Posted by allison at 11:08 AM

January 16, 2006

The Interwebs Win Again

Because I don't already waste enough time on the internet, I thought I'd finally sign up for Flickr and waste a few hundred hours putting up photos if I can remember to do that. Nothing much to see yet.

Next I'll get with LibraryThing which should keep me busy for another 30 years or so.

Posted by allison at 05:35 PM

January 13, 2006

Exchange in the Office Kitchen

First Lady: I'm just going to steal this piece of meat right here!

Second Lady: I hear that, Girlfriend!

Third Lady: Join the celebration!!

Posted by allison at 03:10 PM

An Old Testament Kind of Love

Iím in love with Krakatoa. With Pompeii. With Mt. Pelee, Mt. Saint Helens and Montserrat. With superheated ash clouds and raining shards of boulders. With molten lava when it rivers down mountains and when it steams into the sea. Volcanic tsunamis and especially with pyroclastic flows and their surging clouds of liquid furnace at 70mph.

Volcanos are hott. You canít argue with that.

Posted by allison at 12:01 PM | Comments (1)

January 11, 2006

Snowballs in Hell

You might think this appears to be a lovely display celebrating winter and the traditional Christian holiday season.

You would be wrong.

This is an evil army of Satan's own snowmen.

Each of these suckers comes to life in song and movement. Some with a button, others with a sneeze or guffaw. It is only by the smallest of favors that my father did not start collecting these while I was young and still living at home. There are no favors anymore. He likes to turn them all on at once, stand back at an appropriate distance to take them all in, and watch these minions of Satan cavort in an animatronic bacchanal of pure and utter horror. Then he'll throw back his head and cackle with glee.

Posted by allison at 04:49 PM | Comments (1)

January 10, 2006

I Swear I'm Not a Hippy

Today I went to the Chinese herbalist (who is not Chinese, but Italian) and got some packs of herbs.

Then I went home and boiled them down into tea. Or what I like to call dirt juice.

It tastes like juice.

Made from dirt.

I'll drink some in the morning, and some in the night. In a couple days my knees won't hurt and all sorts of other things will happen in my guts and other internal areas.

Bet you wish you had some dirt juice too.

Posted by allison at 10:33 PM

January 04, 2006

Salty Snail


I prefer savory to sweet. This shouldn't surprise anyone who knows me.

Posted by allison at 01:29 PM | Comments (1)

January 01, 2006

Happy New Year

My brother called me just after midnight on new year's eve. He said, "This year isn't two-thousand-six! It's two-thousand Sis!"

I thought, hey, this might be a pretty good year.

He also said his girlfriend just puked in a trash can. I thought that was pretty funny too.

Posted by allison at 11:38 PM | Comments (2)